Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Stuff Church People Say to Singles, Part 3

My friend brought this up the other day. And when it's said it's usually meant as a compliment. The thing is, we singles have asked ourselves the same thing. A lot.

Church People Say: Why are you still single?

Translation: What is so wrong with you that nobody wants to marry you?

Consider: My sister and I have fun coming up with possible answers to this one.

Because of that big growth on my back.

My other personality is a Monk.

My alien, er, bits aren't compatible with human bits, so....

I'm a raging b*tch most of the time.

Black Widow Syndrome. You take a life or two and all of a sudden people lose interest. Whatever.

Chronic halitosis.

Oh, I am. He just doesn't know it. Sssssh. (Most effective with shifty eyes and a villainous laugh.)

The actual answer is this. It's God's will for my best life (though you sound like a prig if you say that in conversation.) If I was supposed to be married, I would be. But in modern church culture--okay, probably in church culture through the ages--marriage is a status symbol. It's like of all the commandments, the most important is "Go forth and multiply." And if you can't manage that, it says something about you. Something bad.

But being single isn't bad. Its just a state of being. In fact, I bet most single people could be married right now, if that were the goal. We've all met really awful people who wear a wedding band. We've seen, hmmm, lets say people we wouldn't personally be tempted to lust after who are happily married. We've also met that beautiful couple, the ones who never get jokes, tall ones, short ones, or my favorite: the tall/short combo, the spiritual geniuses, the people who snipe uncomfortably at each other in socially inappropriate settings, the outdoorsy couples, and the ones whose favorite vacation spot is their own backyard.

I've never met someone and had the fact that they're married make me like them or admire them more. I don't know that anyone has. It's always about the person. Getting married is a blessing, for sure. But it's not an achievement. By definition blessings are events  we can't take credit for.

I am so grateful for the cadre of awesome awesome awesome single friends I have.  Because I admit that when I'm feeling all insecure or when birthdays roll around, or when my hormones are all wonky every month, ahem, I do look in the mirror and wonder. And I have to give myself a talking to. My life is good. Really good. The only answer to the cause of my marital status is God. And that has to be enough.


  1. Favorite bit of wisdom in this post: "Getting married is a blessing, for sure. But it's not an achievement. By definition blessings are events we can't take credit for."

    You are brilliant, Kimberly.