Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Great Wasp Quandary

In life we all face quandaries.  Some are little, like what color toe polish to wear (seafoam green), whether or not to run the yellow (always--I mean only if safe to do so...), and white or red wine (yes).

Then there are big ones that, if they have a solution, are outside my scope. Like, what needs to be done to rescue Italy's economy, why would anyone make filled cupcakes, and how do I get rid of the red wasp occupying my closet?

Well Italy and cupcakes remain out of reach, but I spent most of yesterday puzzling over the wasp situation. I mean, lucky for me I happen to have a significant heap of clean clothes still sitting on the dryer, but most of my shoes were in hostile territory.  So, my options were either surrender the closet for the wasp's lifetime and accept that I'd have to make questionable footwear choices, or try to dart behind enemy lines and rescue some heels.

I hadn't decided by the time I got home, and found that there was in fact a third option. When said wasp finds the crack under the door and sneaks out, sic twenty-four pounds of cat on him.  It wasn't my first choice, I worried that Buckley or Jellybean would get stung. But I wasn't there to stop them, so they faced down the foe and won!

Either that, or the wasp was aged when he invaded and they just happened upon him as he tried to make his way to the sliding door to look at the trees as he took his last  waspy breath.  Either way, I saw the wasp staggering toward the window, dogged by two cats. He made it to the groove for the sliding door and hunkered down, and since Buckley will eat anything, I put a box over the wasp. He got to die in peace and Buckley didn't have to deal with the effects of eating a stinger.

It's not every day that solutions like this present themselves, and I'm always grateful when they do. Thank you, God, for Buckley and JB, toe polish, wine, and a wasp-free apartment.

Monday, July 8, 2013

The Art of Racing in the Rain

Yesterday I finally read The Art of Racing in the Rain, by Garth Stein. It was a lovely, heart-wrenching read, and it made me grateful for prose and Kleenex and pets.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Independence Day

To celebrate Independence Day, I watched...Independence Day: the rousing 1996 classic in which Will Smith and Bill Pullman pull our nation, nay our world, up by it's alien-zapped bootstraps and fight back, saving all mankind.  I admit, it made me proud to be an American. And human.

Not only did the movie engage my sense of patriotism, adventure, and butt-kickingness, but it reminded me of several timeless truths.

- When alien spaceships show up, it is bad to be in big cities.

- If your team is engaging the enemy, make sure at least one of you is an attractive, don't-take-no-for-an-answer rule breaker who will stop at nothing to save the planet. They're probably the hero, which means they can't die, so it's a good idea to stay near them.

- If your team is engaging the enemy, don't be the funny, team-building one in the group or you're toast.

- Always look to the middle distance when saying something profound.

- If the world seems to be coming to an end, be prepared to learn a moral lesson.

- Aliens have the same basic physical structure as people and are smarter than us. And ugly.

- The best way to unite a group is to provide a common enemy, so all the peoples of the world will agree to put aside two millenia of differences and bomb the snot out of the space invaders. Go world!

- If you have a deep dark secret, or a great fear, you will have to face it. But when you finally do, it means the invasion is almost over and victory is just around the corner.

- It doesn't take superior intelligence or superior technology to win. It takes the triumph of the human spirit. Gets 'em every time.

I'm truly grateful the great men who, avoiding the selfish desire to make themselves kings, gave birth to this great nation (she said, looking off into the middle distance.) And that I live in a small town.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Accidentally Fashionable

Trendy is not my middle name. At best I could probably claim Occasionally Fashionable.  I love sale racks way too much to ever be on the cutting edge of trends, and as for hair styles? Well, my hair grows  almost as fast as an oak tree. So it is that six years after my I-should-dye-my-hair phase, I still have have resuscitated hair brushing my shoulders. I am forever grateful to Angie, who didn't cry when I showed up with had gone from scarlet to wine and asked her to make me a blonde again. It took four hours and a significant financial investment, but she put me back to rights. I learned my lesson.

Since then, I haven't done any coloring at all, mostly because I was afraid my tortured hair would finally give up on me and fall off. Which means, I have this great line where Angie's highlighted masterpiece ends and my own mid-brown begins. 

The red days.
Enter this year's most genius trend. A lady complimented me on my hair and I thought she was being either subtly sarcastic or really sympathetic until I discovered (drumroll) Ombre!  It turns out people are actually dying their hair to get that nearly-grown-out look that I've achieved through six years of waiting! Instead of walking around feeling like a doof, I'm actually--dare I say it?--trendy!

The purple/black days. What can I
So, today I'm grateful that the timing worked out. That what was a consequence has become a badge of style. I'm grateful for all kind people at GMA and my friends who keep me apprised of what latest style is, and definitely for the chemical wizards who perfected hair color and highlights. And still I'm grateful for Angie, so I'm not swinging around town with mid-brown hair fading to dark purple. Though now that i mention it, that could be fun too....