In church on Sunday the pastor was talking about Nehemiah 9. (Quality book of the Bible that I think is underplayed.) To end the service we had a time of confession...silent, thank heavens, but still, we all sat there for while with the singular intent of purging our souls.
Confession is so underrated. It is one of the most freeing things we can do. Yet it gets ignored because, a) it's a little uncomfortable. I don't like looking at the ugly side of me. And because b) we forget how powerful the Holy Spirit is. Or at least I do.
I tend ask forgiveness and focus on the fact that God, in his grace, delivers me from the death my wrongness deserves, as in, I get to go to Heaven instead of Hell. But an equally, if not more, beautiful deliverance is that from the sin itself. I no longer have to walk in that way. Even thoughts, slippery fish that they are, can be contained and directed by the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps this is a duh for most people, but I was just struck with amazement that God will forgive me three and a half million more times for doing the same dumb thing. BUT that He doesn't have to, if I truly release myself to the Holy Spirit.
It's not an "Okay, Kimberly, get up and try again." It's more like, "You know what? You lay there and rest in my shadow, kiddo, and I'll deal with this issue." That's not to say that resting in God's shadow is an easy thing. I can't hardly keep my mitts to myself. But, it is a stunning promise to know that when I fail to manage my own life according to God's standards, I'm only doing what he expects. And from that place in the dust where I land after my best efforts, He can use me and work in me and pour love over me more effectively than when I strive in my own power.
Thank you, Lord, not just for sparing me the consequences of sin, but for sparing me from the control of sin. Thank you for your might and for the moments when I actually see you at work in me. You are most beautiful. All my love!