Stuff Church People Say to Singles, Part 1

So, this week I'm doing a little series to highlight the kinds of conversations that are typical for singles who go to church. What is said, and what that really means when you stop to think about it. 

I have been in the church since I was in diapers, and for all of that time I have been single. Many of my friends are not, and I love them.  And I believe they love me. Those that know me know I'm a happy, fulfilled person (most of the time.) But most people I interact with under the steeple don't. You see, within the church there are a lot of assumptions about single people and those who make them don't even realize it.

Church People Say: "You know, the moment I stopped looking I found Jack/Jill."

Translation: Clearly you must be desperate and needy because all single people are. You can't possibly have any love in your life. At all. And so you want it and are searching for it all around you. Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

God is waiting for you to give up hope before he answers your prayers. And until you do, you can blame yourself for being lonely (I mean, what else would you be, single person?) You just want love too much. So stop it. Stop it! After all, he is a God of hopelessness…

Consider: God is a God of hope. I don't believe he dangles dreams out there before us until we give up. That goes for singles, the childless, the ailing, and everyone else who has a desire in their heart that might hibernate, but refuses to die.  Jesus told the story of the persistent widow, not the depressed widow. Even though you can’t imagine life without your beloved, your life is unique to you, as each life is unique.  Perhaps that single person’s life is fabulous and they’re totally at peace. It happens more often than you might expect. 

Face it, you don't have to raise your hand, but can't you think of a few moments at least when you thought, "Gee, life would be so much easier right now if I weren't married!" So yeah, if not every single person wants to find "the one" now and then, I'd wager most of us do. But its those same moments. It's not a blight on every day, it doesn't make life less beautiful.  It doesn't mean life hasn't begun. In fact, as a gen-u-ine single person I can tell you I've had some amazing opportunities professionally and personally that wouldn't have worked well if I had a family. And I'm grateful...most of the time.

If I pitied everyone who didn't have my same life I would have to pity all non-readers (okay, I kind of do...) all non-writers, those who don't have pets, those who do like to exercise, meat eaters, those who haven't traveled internationally, people who don't like to dance, anyone without a TV, those who don't write stories, people without fun earrings, etc. 

Life is too wild and unpredictable and beautifully diverse for me to think everyone needs to have my same experiences.