There are times when God opens wide a door I didn't even see coming and I waltz through with a smile on my face.
This is not one of those times.
I've spent the last eight weeks walking down a long, dimly lit hallway toward a big...doorway...(it is fun to be cryptic, no?) unable to tell if it's shut or not. I didn't exactly chart this course, but that seemed like all the more reason it might have been a God thing. On occasion, He's had to distract me so I'll get out of His way in my life. So, as I approached this choice, I prayed, analyzed, prayed, critiqued, prayed, what-ifed, and then prayed some more. I was successful in turning it over to God for up to thirty minutes, then we'd start again.
My chief concern was the sliding-door conundrum. When you have a choice, and you could go either way, and neither seems "right" or "wrong." The Holy Spirit lets you make your pick without giving His whisper-nudge.
What to do? Especially when it's a big deal? What if I pick wrong, shift the entire course of my life, miss my chance encounter with Mr. Right at a coffee shop in the rain, and am thus unable to give birth to a cancer-curing wunderkind? While I'm hacking my last breath, feeble and alone, I'll be able to trace the cat-ridden turn of events back to this doorway.
Okay, yeah, that's not going to happen, but it feels like it might.
Well...the moment came. I walked past the last flickering bulb, brushing aside a curious moth, and squinted in the gloom. The shadows took shape and a dull glint reflected from the knob. I took a deep breath, gripped the handle, and twisted, then....
Nothing. Not. A. Thing.
HALLELUJAH! My answer was a door shut hard and tight. In fact, there was a little padlock on the handle.
So, there I go. For the first time in weeks, I expelled a full breath without tensing.
I know God has His reasons for doors open and shut, and even those formidable sliding doors. But, I am so thankful that this once, the answer was clear and sweet and obvious.
Thank you God for taking all the fear I can let go, and for making your will, just this once, obvious.