I love how God walks with me. He doesn't run, or drag, or say, "I really thought we'd be over this mountain by now" or even "You have 2,385 miles left to go before you're where I want you to be." If he did that, I'd probably despair of ever finishing this race. Instead, he reveals one step at a time where He wants to take me next.
So, over the past week or two He's been showing me how much I want for me. Think about me. Root for me. It has made me sick.
Today I couldn't take it anymore. The worst part is, there is no way that I can fix this on my own. So, I confessed and begged God to kill that ugly root in my heart.
I know this won't be an overnight victory. Desires are pesky, sturdy things and only He can really and truly morph the weeds into flowers. But I needed some encouragement that progress was possible sometime, preferably this year, or even this decade. Well, God is always faithful and even in the sorrow, a mist of peace infused my soul. He will change it.
Then, per routine, as I sat down to work, I turned on a podcast. Today Joyce Meyer was up first. She was talking about Cambodia. And guess what? I AM GOING TO CAMBODIA IN A MONTH!
Within 15 minutes I was crying on my notes and minimizing the company screen to go online and donate to her feeding ministry. This isn't a 'yay me', this is a yay God for getting through to me.
I don't often feel God telling me to do a specific thing, but He definitely told me to go to Cambodia. And I think one of the things He's going to do is breakdown this me-ness. When I hear about the children of that country, I'm consumed with their plight and the desire to provide hope and joy to their tiny, preicous lives consumes me. I want so badly for them to taste God's provision and the freedom and to feel as loved as they are.
And I haven't gone yet. I have a sinking/soaring feeling that today is just a taste of what God's got over the horizon. I fully expect to leave a large portion of my heart on the other side of the planet and that thrills me (though I may be a wreck for a few months when I return to US soil).
It's a huge relief to know God is big and strong and faithful and He is going to excise this tumor of yuck in my life. And when it inevitably grows back (I'm human after all) He'll do it again. He'll replace it with His love for His people and how beautiful will that be?
Thank you, Jesus, for your patient, faithful, beautiful love. For your healing hand and your gentle revelation. Bless the people of Cambodia!